I'm mad. I have been mad all day. Everything Papa Sheppard says or does is ticking me off right now. He doesn't listen to me, he doesn't hear what I am saying. He is just complaining and ordering me around. It's so frustrating. Especially since it's totally my fault.
Here's a fact: we LOVE to bash our husbands. Doesn't matter why. Dinner isn't ready? His fault. Diaper needs changing? His fault. Didn't get your teeth brushed? His fault. Doesn't matter who or what the issue is -- it's totally, completely and 100% his fault.
Papa Sheppard, Little Sheep and I all have allergies to cats. On top of that, Papa Sheppard has vertigo issues, and panic attacks. When his sineses are clogged, he takes dizzy spells, which trigger panic attacks. I just get the sniffles and watery eyes. Little Sheep sneezes and doesn't sleep well.
So you can imagine the shape we are in after spending Thanksgiving dinner at his parents' place. Who have 3 cats. Who stay indoors at all times.
Little Sheep didn't get nearly enough sleep yesterday, and was overtired this morning. Papa Sheppard woke up too early and didn't get enough sleep, so his allergies continue to plague him. And I decided today would be the perfect day to go to a second-hand store to look for a coat for two hours with Little Sheep.
Bad Mama Sheppard, you should know better than that.
On top of that, I have slacked off on my daily routines, so everything is behind. And because I am not feeling well and am irritable, I am getting anxious and overwhelmed easily. So the current state of my home just makes it worse. And the fact that Papa Sheppard, who is legitimately not feeling well, is spending the day in his pajamas and doing nothing to help only further irritates me.
Because I took Little Sheep out two days in a row, she is way overtired. And she didn't get her proper naps. By the way, we also tried to get her to nap in her crib for an hour (no CIO but with loving attention), and try to get her to take the pacifier. Dumb. Cranky babies don't do well when deviating from their routine.
So we are all under the weather, overtired and anxious. The house needs work, and we need rest. I am irritable and snappy. Anything else? Yup. When it comes to communication, I am not so good.
First off, I have a horrible habit of forgetting EVERYTHING. Seriously. Today I accidently forgot I was trying on a coat at the secondhand store and actually left my car keys in a coat pocket (true story)! More times than not, I forget comversations and requests from Papa Sheppard. This has caused more than one small tiff between us, because he feels like I don't listen to him.
Other times I forget to tell him things, which usually results in me either telling him just in the nick of time, or just too late. Which screws up our schedule.
And then there are times when I tell him something several times, because I forget I have already told him something. (Though this is where he is in the wrong: sometimes he makes me feel stupid for repeating myself when he knows I can't help it).
I wonder if anyone will notice a difference if I develop Altzimers in my old age.
But there's another aspect of communication I am not good at. I don't speak up when I disagree. We women tend to do this a lot, rather than confront out husbands about an issue. Why is that? We are afraid at the agruement that could (not will, could) insue; we talk to our girlfriends/mothers/sisters before we talk to our partners (this was something that drove me nuts on SATC -- Carrie would have saves herself so much drama if she'd gone to Aiden or Big instead of her three moronic single girlfriends. Seriously, relationship advise from Samantha?!); we don't know why we have to do this, why we can't just make the decisions ourselves; and the biggest one of all: we don't like having to admit we might be wrong.
Ouch.
Here is what we (meaning I) have to remember.
1). Our husbands are men. Not boys. They shouldn't whine, gripe, sook or storm off because they aren't getting their way. If your man does this, he needs to watch this video. What they should do is humbly, lovingly lead us. Sometimes that is not what we want. But that is their job. To lead us. Lovingly.
2). Our husbands cannot read our minds. Part of us wants or expects that we want that (the other part is very relieved that they can't). If we don't tell them what we want/need/feel, they are going to go on their happy merry way convinced all is right with the world.
3). Our husbands mean what they say. If he says he's sick, he's sick. If he says he's tired, he's tired. If he says he's hungry, he's hungry. It's not men who give us little clues as to what we actually mean. We do that! We either tell them half-truths or outright lies, or we imagine some secret underlying comment hidden underneath what they said. Why? Because we do it to them.
4). Our husbands are not martyrs. We are. We sacrifice all we have, and then expect them to do the same. Men, on the other hand, recognize that they need to recharge and have no problem letting things slide for a bit to get themselves back where they need to be. That's our vice, not theirs.
Sigh. And now comes the tough part. Admitting our faults and asking forgiveness.
"But he could be more supportive!" Yes he could. Tell him that. But appologize first.
"But he never helps me around the house!" If you are a SAHM, and he works outside, you don't help him at his job. If you need help, fine! Tell him that. But appologize first.
"But he thinks he knows everything! He has no idea--" That's because you don't tell him. Tell him that. But appologize first.
"But he doesn't understand how difficult it is!". Maybe not. Tell him that. But appologize first.
"But I am right! He should apologize." No one likes to apologize. But in every arguement, both parties have something to apologize for. Tell him that. But appologize first.
The old saying, Love is never havimg to say you are sorry, is so, so wrong. Love is saying you're sorry. Love is admitting you were wrong. And if you are truly loved back, that person will apologize too.
"But-" No more buts. Just Appologize.
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