Mom Talk: My Motherhood Goals, or "I Will Not Raise a Brat!"

The more the days go by and I better get to know this gorgeous little gift God sent me, the more thrilled I am to be a mother and especially, be her mother. Many things come to mind as time goes past, however. What do I want to achieve? What do I want her to achieve? What do I want to achieve with her, together? Where are my priorities?

Yes, Lisa and Maggie are just as bratty as Bart.  

There was one thing I kept telling Papa Sheppard, my parents, my co-workers, and friends is that "I will not raise a brat."  My objective is that my children will not whine needlessly, will not be obnoxious and rude, will not be spoiled and starving for attention.   In essence, I have no intention of raising Bart, Lisa or Maggie Simpson.

 It may sound like I am expecting Little Sheep to be perfect, which of course, I am not. I am expecting her to cry, not want to nap, hate vegetables, and grumble when I don't let her have her way sometimes.  I'm expecting her to be a child, not a brat.

Therefore, I have set several goals ahead of myself in order to accomplish my main objective.

1.  I plan to attachment parent.  This involves many different aspects.  Dr. William Sears seems to be the voice on this, but for me, attachment parenting involves the many objectives I have listed below.  Babywearing, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, positive discipline, etc.  Current belief with reference to attachment parenting is that children are brought up feeling more confident about themselves and their parents.  In other words, babies who are taught that they can trust and rely on their parents to help them are more willing and able to experience the world around them, trusting that their parents are there and will keep them safe.

2.  I plan to breastfeed for at least a year, but likely until she decides to stop, or we are blessed with another baby.  This could mean two or more years.  And that's just fine with me.  My daughter's health and well being are far more important to me than any standardized or socialized concern.  I can only see myself stopping her if I become pregnant and it becomes too difficult to nurse her.  My expectation is, however, that by the time we have our second child, she will have weaned herself.

3.  I plan to co-sleep.  We currently co-sleep during the night, which works out amazingly well for us.  Little Sheep sleeps beside me, and I sleep between her and Papa Sheppard.  She is warm, comfortable, safe, and neither of us has to get up in the night for feedings, which means more sleep for us.  Which means both of us are healthier and happier.

4.  I do not plan to let her "cry it out".  Personally, there is nothing more heartbreaking than the thought of leaving my poor Little Sheep alone in her room to cry and scream, knowing that she needs something and not understanding why it is that I am not there to help her when she calls.  I cannot fathom breaking her trust like that, and I cannot fathom doing that to her.  Papa Sheppard and I agreed to that one long before we had Little Sheep.  We want her to learn to nap independant of us, but we don't want her to cry and scream the whole time.

5.  I plan to get her involved with other children from an early age.  Currently, we participate in the Le Leche League meetings once a month, and a weekly baby massage and a weekly mom and baby group. It is important to me that she learns to interact with other kids of different ages and ethnicities.  For one, her immune system will get stronger, as kids pass around germs like politicians pass around blame.  For another, it will also teach her to share.  It bothers me to hear a kid snatch something from another and yell, "Mine!"  I want Little Sheep to know the value of giving and sharing with others.

6.  I plan on having more than one baby.  I said this long before I even wanted kids.  My brother and I grew up with playing with another little boy in our community who was an only child.  He used to beg us to be his brother and sister.  He didn't like being an only child.  True, he had all of his parents' attention and got all the gifts at holidays, but he was lonesome for a sibling.  It broke my heart.  Papa Sheppard and I decided before we were married that we would plan to have at least two, possibly three, children.  Now that I've had Little Sheep, I plan to have as many babies as the Lord thinks I can have.  This does not make me in support of the Quiverfull movement.  I believe, however, that I will have as many children as I can love and support equally, as well as have the health and mental ability to do so.  Or until I have a bad birth experience.  That might scare me out of having any more.

7.  I plan on keeping her home and life simple.  Toys are simple and minimal.  Her favorite rattle is a set of metal measuring spoons.  She loves to play with baby blankets and feet.  I see no reason to bombard her with bright plastic toys made in China.  If we had it my way, I'd have nothing plastic in her toybox.  I also do not intend to spend great amounts of money on her toys.  Why should I spend $60 on a toy she'll break in five minutes, when I can buy it for $10 on Kijiji?  Same with her clothes.  She outgrows things so quickly and will continue to do so for many years.  I don't intend to buy much new.  In this way, she will learn the truth about wealth and value.

8.  I plan to wear my daughter.  A lot.  I have three slings right now.  I am in love with them all.  I use my Maya Wrap (bought on eBay for $30) for going out shopping and to formal events.  I use my Heart to Heart Wrap (free via Freecycle) around the house and in the evenings before bed.  I wear my homemade Moby Wrap (bought at a fabric store) when walking and doing housework.  Little Sheep plays on her tummy or in her high chair most other times.

9.  I plan to keep her well-napped.  Little Sheep is not a good napper.  Well, let me rephrase that -- she is an excellent napper when she wants to be.  Right now she's going into her second hour in her swing.  But yesterday, I think she slept about 2 hours all day.  This is why it is important to me that she learns to sleep well.  I want her to be well rested and happy.  Many of the suggestions I've implemented come from Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Nap Solution.  Check it out at your library.

10.  I plan on getting her involved with the community.  This is a big one for me.  Before we became pregnant, Papa Sheppard and I volunteered with a local men's shelter on Saturday mornings, serving breakfast and hanging out with our street friends.  Up at 5 a.m. on Saturday mornings to play cards and hang out with homeless drug addicts?  You probably think we're crazy.  But in truth, we loved it.  We had a great time and we met some great people.  When we became pregnant, my safety became a concern, and we stopped going.  But we intend to continue after Little Sheep is old enough.  We also intend to get her involved in other aspects of our community.  It will make her appreciate what she has more, as well as prevent her from developing ideals about people who are different from her.

11.  I plan on being a SAHM.  Another aspect Papa Sheppard and I discussed before we were married was my desire to be a SAHM.  It was only further reinforced when Little Sheep came along.  We both fell madly in love with our family and we know that me being home is the best thing for us all around.  Little Sheep will benefit from a good, loving family orientation, which is something I personally don't believe she will find in the care of a stranger.  What's more, it is difficult to find caretakers who will provide her with the same values and faith as we do.  And finally, based on my calculations and income, it would not be profitable for me to return to work at the cost of daycare in this city.  It's just too expensive.  It is my hope that I can instead provide daycare for my brother's child once s/he is born next year for my sister-in-law, who makes more than me and who loves her job.

Guess who my favorite artist is?

These are the general guidelines by which I plan to achieve my goal of not raising a brat.  I can hear other mothers laughing their butts off at me.  "Sure," they say.  "Wait til she is old enough to walk/talk.  Your toon will change!"

Well, in the words of our beloved British crooner, John Lennon,

You may say I'm a dreamer,

But I'm not the only one

I hope some day, you'll join us

And the world will live as one.

If you'll look to your left, you'll see a list of other mom-bloggers that I follow, who share many common thoughts as I do.  You'll see that in truth, we are not the only ones to chose this lifestyle and commitment for our children.  And from what I understand, it is a healthy, happy child that comes from it.